Tuesday. Four more days to go. Its the same evry wk. And life is passin me by. I need to get out of my weepy willows and kick some .........well, kick some behinds !
Maybe I shd take that looooooooong overdue sabbatical and go somewhere. But first of all I gotta make a list of things to do. I always make lists. I cannot get anythin done - no not even cleaning my room or taking a bath ( ! ) if I dont put it on a list ! Well I like to think of this as an idiosyncrasy of bein so Great .The world doesnt know it yet and I am in no hurry to reveal my supreme greatness and blind everyone with my radiance .Time enough for that. For now , lets get back to the list. So far there are 15 items on it , and about 10 of them are trailing along since 2004 ! !
I hv also been thinkin of changing my profession............start painting or teaching .......perhaps ? I always wanted to be an English Teacher. Maybe the aftereffects of readin ' To sir with love ' too soon !! But wd I make a good Teacher ? No student wd listen to me ! Maybe a librarian then , or maybe I shd live life on the Wild side and become a Pirate ( saw ' Pirates of the Carribean ' recently ! ) - Capt. Rusty Sparrow ! Ha !! Right now I am the black sheep of the family , then I wd be the Pirated black sheep or the Pirate with a black ship !!!!!!!!!!!
There I go again. I try my best to be pragmatic and settle some real issues but soon as I start, I get sucked up into the quicksand of Fantasy and thats the end of the story. I shd try and be more focussed. Maybe I shd put this on the list !!

Its an odd combination but I wear my heart on one sleeve and my conscience on the other. And the two hardly ever see eye to eye.I dwindle between decisions and decisions and dread their disputatious dwellings on any dialogue .So much so that I try to think from my mind but its about as tough as to get a car started on a freezin day when u are late for an appointment. I wonder how I survived till now !! Its like ' I finally got my head together and now my body is fallin apart' .People like me shd be picked up from the regular herd and placed in Isolation. We are like lost socks in the tumble dryer of life!!!!!!!
It seems like one cross-road after the other,and I find myself lookin for that one sign that will ensure that however Dark it might be there will be a dawn soon.........kinda like that story ' the last leaf ' where the girl thinks that her life would end as soon as the last leaf on the creeper outside her window falls off and then a painter friend paints it on ,thus protecting the girl but dyin due to paintin in the cold.................Maybe I should take comfort from the fact that it is the light that I seek and not the Dark. But at some moments when I do percieve a certain hint of glimmer, it more than often seems to be comin from the wrong end of the tunnel.
These disjunctive ramblings remind me of the words of Wordsworth :

" When in disgrace,
with men and fortune's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcaste state ,
and trouble deaf heavens with my bootless cries."

'ONE MAN ISLANDS'

Independence is admirable. The world would be a stronger place if we were all capable of handling life on our own. But being capable of it does not mean being unable to share and depend on someone else. It should'nt mean being unwilling to.......