' I CAN ONLY...........'

Beloved ,

I can not give solutions to all of
life's problems,
doubts or fears.
But I can listen to you , and
together we can seek
answers.
I can't change your past with
all its heartaches and pain,
nor the future with its
untold stories.
But I can be there now , when
you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling,
I can only offer
my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys , triumphs , successes and happiness
are not mine.
Yet I can share in your laughter and joy.
Your decisions in life
are not mine to make, nor to judge,
I can only support you ,
encourage you ,
and help you when you ask.
I can't give you boundaries
which I have determined for you .
But I can give you the room
to change , room to grow,
room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and
help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

' POWER OF ATTORNEY '



How Much of My Life is Mine........?

To Love , To Lose , To Laugh ,To Pine..........



Would you give me

a Month

a Week

a Day ,

And not stand in my way

as a parent

a friend

a relative

a society ,

and ,


Let me Seek Out my Soul

Surrender to Myself

Submerge in Sorrow Surpentine

For a Moment Thats All Mine.............

'Sunday'- Comes with its own attitude. At times i feel that wkdays are better than sundays cos at least u do not expect them to be stress free !! Where as sundays have stopped livin up to their carefree reputation. I am supposed to get over all the work of my life on sundays , or so it seems. Well enough about that, I guess my depressin attitude thats borderin on a lil melodrama owes its origin to the fact that i am not yet attuned to the catastrophic turn of events in my previously bearable life..................... I had just started to get out of my hibernation , I had just managed to raise my eyes to look at the blue beyond.......when heaven threw me a chance to fall in love again....... and i grabbed it with both my hands ..those few days were immensely gratifyin. I was plucked from the depths of my despair and raised to the pinnacle of ecstasy......................only to be dropped deeper. For the life of me I can not figure out as to what happened. Everythin happened so fast and so unexpectedly that i am still standin here frozen ,watchin the rest of the world go by....................I havent even reached the 'why me' stage yet.....................I am presently beyond understandin, devoid of all comprehension, though outwardly i am still functinin as before but my insides are threatenin to flash out the warnin signals.....................


'A few questions that I need to know,
How could u ever hurt me so,
I need to know what I have done wrong,
And how long its been goin on,
Was it that I never paid enough attention,
Or did I not give enough affection?
you can tell me to my face
Or even on the phone,
you can write it in a letter,
either way I have to know.
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
I am goin out of my mind .
All the answers to my questions i have to find.
My head is spinning and I am in a daze,
I feel isolated , dont wanna communicate,
I'll take a shower, I'll scour,
I'll run,find peace of mind.
Things and vocabulary runs right through me.
The alphabet runs from A to Z .
Conversations, hesitations in my mind,
You got my conscience asking questions that I cant find.
I am not crazy, I am sure I aint done nothing wrong,
but the way i am feeling,it just dont feel right.'
--------------------

" Once ,
I had ,
Strength ,
Trust , and ..........
Will.

I stood High ,
Erect ,
Undaunted ..................

Now ,
The overbearing facade ,
Lies crumbled .
Weak ,
unsure ,
unwanted ...................

Memories,
past glory ,
scurry ,
along broken corridors...............

I sifted through the dust............
and got ,

Remains of a kiss ...............
Echoes of passion ................
Murmurs of promises................
and a love lost....................."

Tuesday. Four more days to go. Its the same evry wk. And life is passin me by. I need to get out of my weepy willows and kick some .........well, kick some behinds !
Maybe I shd take that looooooooong overdue sabbatical and go somewhere. But first of all I gotta make a list of things to do. I always make lists. I cannot get anythin done - no not even cleaning my room or taking a bath ( ! ) if I dont put it on a list ! Well I like to think of this as an idiosyncrasy of bein so Great .The world doesnt know it yet and I am in no hurry to reveal my supreme greatness and blind everyone with my radiance .Time enough for that. For now , lets get back to the list. So far there are 15 items on it , and about 10 of them are trailing along since 2004 ! !
I hv also been thinkin of changing my profession............start painting or teaching .......perhaps ? I always wanted to be an English Teacher. Maybe the aftereffects of readin ' To sir with love ' too soon !! But wd I make a good Teacher ? No student wd listen to me ! Maybe a librarian then , or maybe I shd live life on the Wild side and become a Pirate ( saw ' Pirates of the Carribean ' recently ! ) - Capt. Rusty Sparrow ! Ha !! Right now I am the black sheep of the family , then I wd be the Pirated black sheep or the Pirate with a black ship !!!!!!!!!!!
There I go again. I try my best to be pragmatic and settle some real issues but soon as I start, I get sucked up into the quicksand of Fantasy and thats the end of the story. I shd try and be more focussed. Maybe I shd put this on the list !!

Its an odd combination but I wear my heart on one sleeve and my conscience on the other. And the two hardly ever see eye to eye.I dwindle between decisions and decisions and dread their disputatious dwellings on any dialogue .So much so that I try to think from my mind but its about as tough as to get a car started on a freezin day when u are late for an appointment. I wonder how I survived till now !! Its like ' I finally got my head together and now my body is fallin apart' .People like me shd be picked up from the regular herd and placed in Isolation. We are like lost socks in the tumble dryer of life!!!!!!!
It seems like one cross-road after the other,and I find myself lookin for that one sign that will ensure that however Dark it might be there will be a dawn soon.........kinda like that story ' the last leaf ' where the girl thinks that her life would end as soon as the last leaf on the creeper outside her window falls off and then a painter friend paints it on ,thus protecting the girl but dyin due to paintin in the cold.................Maybe I should take comfort from the fact that it is the light that I seek and not the Dark. But at some moments when I do percieve a certain hint of glimmer, it more than often seems to be comin from the wrong end of the tunnel.
These disjunctive ramblings remind me of the words of Wordsworth :

" When in disgrace,
with men and fortune's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcaste state ,
and trouble deaf heavens with my bootless cries."

'ONE MAN ISLANDS'

Independence is admirable. The world would be a stronger place if we were all capable of handling life on our own. But being capable of it does not mean being unable to share and depend on someone else. It should'nt mean being unwilling to.......