Its an odd combination but I wear my heart on one sleeve and my conscience on the other. And the two hardly ever see eye to eye.I dwindle between decisions and decisions and dread their disputatious dwellings on any dialogue .So much so that I try to think from my mind but its about as tough as to get a car started on a freezin day when u are late for an appointment. I wonder how I survived till now !! Its like ' I finally got my head together and now my body is fallin apart' .People like me shd be picked up from the regular herd and placed in Isolation. We are like lost socks in the tumble dryer of life!!!!!!!
It seems like one cross-road after the other,and I find myself lookin for that one sign that will ensure that however Dark it might be there will be a dawn soon.........kinda like that story ' the last leaf ' where the girl thinks that her life would end as soon as the last leaf on the creeper outside her window falls off and then a painter friend paints it on ,thus protecting the girl but dyin due to paintin in the cold.................Maybe I should take comfort from the fact that it is the light that I seek and not the Dark. But at some moments when I do percieve a certain hint of glimmer, it more than often seems to be comin from the wrong end of the tunnel.
These disjunctive ramblings remind me of the words of Wordsworth :
" When in disgrace,
with men and fortune's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcaste state ,
and trouble deaf heavens with my bootless cries."
4 comments:
i too wear my heart on my sleeve and all too often have had someone try to break it. in the end i have wrapped myself in barbed wire myhos that keeps unwanted people at bay. the image is of course a fiction and for you, who still are drawn to the light and who keeps coming to that perpetual crossroad, must not give up on either yourself or, more importantly the desire to seek the light. do not for a moment think that because your heart is there to be bruised by others that they have aright to do it. nor should you think that they are right when in fact it is you that worries them. your truth and honesty and integrity stands you aside from the crowd. as for that pesky crossroad . . .just keep on using your intuition. if you make a mistake so what? we all do.
umm... this is actually by Shakespeare. Sonnet 29,
When in disgrace with fortune and mens eyes
i all alone beweep my outcaste state
and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
and look upon myself and curse my fate
wishing me like to one more rich in hope
featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
desiring this mans art and that mans scope
with what i most enjoy contented least...
etc etc. one of my favourite shakespeare sonnets. wordsworth could never write that! but then, im not a huge wordsworth fan so... *)
*Finnegan..yeah compromise sure seems to be the solution here...but the alternatives get so damn tangled at times that it gets hard to separate the two...and find a midway...
*C.J I agree with what you say....I try pretty hard to be a one man island ...but I let myself down each time I am faced with turbulence....
*Shreya....thanks for the correction....I have read shakespeare from cover to cover in original ...umpteen times...but I guess I got tangled here...!
*Eddkline...thanks for visitin...is that your phone no. or what ?
I often wear my heart on my hat, except if it's a windy day of course. Then I wear it in my socks.
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